Damn!

DAMN IT!

I’m sick.

Pretentious bastards and bitches

Disclaimer:
The following post has a whole damn lotta vulgarity in it, so if you’re the kind that doesn’t take well to a lot of f words in a paragraph, then scroll past this post.

Now, I HATE pretentious people.
Pretentious people suck. They suck total fuck. (Just for rhyming purposes)

What do I mean by pretentious?

I mean people who act act, jia zhuang jia zhuang (pretend pretend) and try to be cool and unique and whatever shit but in actual fact is a total loser trying to be ‘in’.

In the end it just seems that the person is damn kao bei and has no backbone of his own, but actually depends on other people to be ‘in’.

Okay, you ask. Who doesn’t want to be in the ‘in’ crowd? Who doesn’t want to be accepted and who doesn’t want to be popular and loved?

I admit. I like to be liked. I like to be popular. I like to be talking to people and in a social circle with lots of people.

But that doesn’t mean I’ll go against myself and my own character.

What character am I? I’m fun. I’m happy. I’m cheerful. I can’t sit still and shut up. I’m not hyperactive, in actual fact just thankful and glad (cue favorite Tyler Hilton song).

So when I talk to people, I tend to talk fast. Believe me, for those who’ve heard me, you know I talk fast. A lot of you have even said it to my face (Ras, Ji Wei, Charles etc.) and I truly appreciate that.

I do funny little “Kar Liang-trademarked” dances, and I crack jokes that sometimes aren’t funny at all, except to myself, and I sometimes am happy-sarcastic.

There are A LOT of people who do not match, or even like, my character.

Some people like to be alone all the time (I like to be alone once in a while too), some people like to talk slowly and make sure someone gets the point. Some people are ’selectively pessimistic’ and some people CAN actually shut up.

The thing is, everyone is unique, everyone is special. It’s not a fault or a problem if someone just doesn’t gel well with people. Sure, it WILL cause problems, but that’s another post for another day. The thing is, if a person is not a certain character, then he or she SHOULD NOT try to be that character.

I want to actually switch talking abilities with Charles and see the result. Charles would faint from overexertion of saliva glands while I would be slowing wilting away from slow speech boredom. Charles is not me and I am not him. And we do not try to be each other.

Some people in school, VERY OBVIOUSLY, try to be someone else.

It’s fucking obvious when a person is trying to act like someone else just to be in the ‘cool’ crowd.

Once, Marcus, Adriel and I were out. Marcus and Adriel were talkin soccer, and let’s face it, I’m not one for soccer. Basketball, yes, Tennis, yes, Badminton, yes. Probably yes for every sport but soccer, wrestling and golf. Soccer because it’s overhyped and pointless, wrestling because it’s so damn fucking gross, and golf because I can NEVER sit through 5 minutes of Tiger Woods without knocking myself to sleep.

So they were talking soccer, and in a bid to include myself in the conversation I started talking about Cristiano Ronaldo and his bet with Man U manager to score 13 (was it 14?) goals and he had already done quite a good job, scoring consecutive 2 goals in one of the later matches.

Now let’s speak the truth here. I know a fair bit about soccer. I know soccer because it helps to relieve awkwardness in a conversation where you and the other person do not have anything in common besides being Homo Sapiens. Because frankly, EVERYONE has to know some soccer. But of course, asking me to watch a game is not a good way to get to know me.

But as we continued to speak, I realized it’s not right. It’s not me. It’s like I was existing in a different shell, the same old soul in a different body doing new things and not doing them very well. So I stopped talking about it.

Now that’s me. I don’t feel right not being myself. It’s just me.

Some people, however, very obviously will do ANYTHING to be accepted. They will talk subjects they do not know, crapping along for the sheer acceptance he gets, fucking along for the sheer pleasure he gets (from pretending to know! Don’t think dirty!) and in doing so, be in the ‘in’ crowd.

Some of them try to be kao bei and try to be ‘cool’. By cool I mean be damn rude to everyone he sees, be completely vulgar in EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD, and be completely fucked up that he has to say ‘fuck off’ to someone thrice a day if not he’ll get convulsions and froth in the mouth.
I am sorry to say some of my old Primary school friends have fallen prey to that.

I somewhat see the point in that. They think being rude and being all swaggery and arrogant is a sign of coolness. Trust me, it’s not. Makes you look like a duck. In any case, I can swagger better than those people anyway.

And then there are the kind who try to be more MANLY.

Now this one I seriously don’t understand. In my class there’s this guy whom I will not name, but is very fake. By fake I mean he pretends to be more macho, kickass alphamale type, and end up looking really obvious about it, making him a really weird person.

Of course, with people like David in my class it is inevitable there will be some penis envy, but with this friend it’s more than that. He secretly shows middle fingers to teachers, he adds comment to every thing, and he talks REALLY REALLY horny language. An effort to be arrogant and cool, but it’s kinda plain stupid. Teachers really deserve no such crap from kids they are being paid to educate. And adding horny comments to everything is really extra, albeit stupid.

So why not he just drop the whole facade and just be himself?

Is it that tough to show that you’re not the alpha male who dominates the pack? Why can’t you be the male who enjoys card games, Nelly Furtado and solitaire? Why can’t you just have fun in life and not care about what other say? Is it that hard to just turn off the bad comments and just have the time of your life?

I’ve been insulted more names in my entire life than, say, the average blog-surfing reader right now reading this post. If I were to have a dollar for everytime someone ‘jacked’ me, or everytime someone told me to ‘fuck off’, I would be putting Donald Trump in his place by now.

Not that I’m the perfect saint or anything, because I DO try to mix in with people once in a while, but all I’m saying is, be yourself and be happy. What’s the point in telling someone to fuck off? Will it brighten your day? Will it brighten the day of the person you just said that to?

So why say it? Is it cool?

I don’t think so. I can think of way cooler things which are MUCH easier to do and less rude. That’s why I never say ‘fuck off’ to a person. I have never ever said it in my entire life. If there was once or twice, I really cannot remember, so pls refresh my memory.

Pretentious bastards and bitches can go to hell. They can pretend all they want. They won’t be happy. And I can tell. All I can do is to stay away from them.

I don’t like masks too much.

JC JC oh Baaaabiiiieee

Firstly, before I get into my main post topic, which is rather randomly titled, I shall say that the time has finally come where I feel blogging is tiring…

Maybe it’s cause my life is very hectic now, Sec 4 year and all, but the urge to blog still remains in me, the only difference being I can’t be bothered to open Blogger and start typing.

Again, laziness hits me. The sin of Sloth. Perhaps if something really striking gets to me this urge of mine will be refuelled.

You know what I mean.

…

Anyways, today I saw BP. Mr. ‘Kent Adams’ was talking with some girl, and while I was walking back to RI from RJC’s 7-11 after school just now to get a snack, I was glancing at them.

Actually, I did not recognize him.
I truly, truly did not recognize him.

BP waved at me. I looked quizzically at him, and I thought for one split second, “Who’s he?”

It then occurred to me this was my old friend BP. It then occurred to me that he had changed such that I did not recognize him blatantly anymore.

He grew his hair long, with a slight shade of brown, and he did something to himself. He looked much, MUCH more…

Emo.

Yes, for lack of a better word, he looked emo and completely changed. It suddenly hit me that this was so sudden, that this change happened within 22 days and he had changed… for the better.

My cousin Hans is J1, and he’s changed too. A total charmer now, if I may say.

Walter looks different. If you’ve seen his hair, it’s completely different. It’s much shorter and I did not recognize him either when I saw him.

It’s all about the hair, I believe, and the hair makes a statement in JC, along with the rest of your body.

I’ve said this to my friends before, and I’ll say it again.

“JC people intimidate me. Not intimidate as in ‘frighten’, but intimidate as in surprise me. It’s so unwelcomingly surprising and sudden that everyone looks so much more mature and much more strong than in Secondary School.”

It’s like when we were in Sec 1, we look to Sec 4s as being WHOALALA so big and then we look in retrospect at P6 students and we go “mwahahaha we’re sec 1s now”.

Well, we’re Sec 4s now and I see the old ‘us’ in the news Sec 1 batch.

I remember when I was P3, there was this P6 girl, of whom the name I have forgotten (I am SO bad with names) and we used to take the same school bus home, cause we lived near each other.

She was a prefect and she and her best friend used to tell me ghost stories on the bus ride home. Though some ghost stories were genuinely interesting, some were plain silly and some freaked me out of my wit. I cried at one story and I couldn’t step into a room by myself after that for some time.

At the time, she was my big jie-jie and she was so amazingly cool. To me at that time, I highly respected her and held her in great esteem, because 1) she was a prefect, 2) she was really pretty 3) she was OLDER.

Yeah, I know. Kinda lame.

Very soon I became P6, and the whole respect thing went off somewhere and took a short hiatus.

Recently I saw her again. I saw her in the neighbourhood once more, near my grandma’s house, and apparently she still lives in the area. She is 19 now, and can I say, WHOALALA again!

Total hotness. Her hair all dyed a nice hazel, she is now tall and mature-looking, wearing shades and a pair of killer heels. I stared at her for a bit, but I don’t think she remembers me. And as I stared, I realized how much I STILL respect her and all of a sudden those days – sitting in the school bus, listening to the auntie nag at us for not sitting down properly, hearing her still-memorable story of the Spirit of the Doorway – they all came back.

She’s grown so much.
And so have I.

If she’s ever reading this, well, I hope she finds me. Because my grandma’s house is still in the same place and I go there often.

And then I realized how time passes. P3 was such a long time ago. And yet that ghost story-telling thing would always remain in my mind. The days of being Sec 1 would always remain in my mind.

Isn’t it time to grow up?

To be mature, to be proper leaders of the school, who take pride in themselves, who have a strong identity, to look forward to JC life.

Seeing BP today, and Walter, make me realize how fast time passes and how fast childhood has left us by. It’s already time to be a true adult with our entry into JC. Our unofficial adulthood came with the long pants. But within a few months, we will have to leave our childhood and our memories, to keep them locked away.

It’s scary. And that what truly frightens me.

The Female Psyche

Man and Woman are very different.

I don’t know how many times I have expressed this point in my blog.

Hence it makes me wonder, just how much effort it takes for one man to know one woman. To be specific, how he gets close to her without explicitly making her mad.

Here’s how a conversation between me and an attractive female might go:

Female: “Hey, guess my age!”
Me: “Ummm okay…”
*Thinks to self (Looks like 28, so I’ll say…)*
Me: “23!”
Female: “ARE YOU KIDDING? I’m not so FREAKIN old!”
Me: “Um, 15?”
Female: “ARE YOU KIDDING? I’m not so FREAKIN young!”
Me: (starting to panic) “Um, can I call a friend?”

Turns out she’s 20. Okay, so I had to guess the age on the dot, apparently. Someone get me a Bob Barker and a Price is Right studio.

Here’s how another conversation between me and another attractive female might go.

Female: “Hey, do I look fat in these jeans?”
Me: “You look okay.”
Female: “WHAT?! HOW CAN U SAY THAT?!”
Me: (shocked) “No no, you don’t look fat!”
Female: “You said that so fast! LIAR!”

=.=

OK, so get your own Jennifer Aniston stylist.

Another conversation.

Me: “So where do you want to go and eat?”
Female: “Um, MOS Burger?”
Me: “Okay.”
Female: “No lah, MOS so ex. Let’s go Burger King.”
Me: “Okay.”
Female: “Oh look! Superdog!”
Me: “Okay.”
Female: “But MOS has more variety.”
Me: “I thought it was ex?”
Female: “But Superdog not cheap also, plus only hot dogs.”
Me: “Okay, MOS.”
Female: “How about Burger King?”

We could extend this conversation the way Mrs Tan Chiou Yen extends the tips of her quadratic graphs on the board. Just like those graph tips, this conversation would go nowhere.

It’s different with guys.
With guys it’s easier to joke around.

For example,

Me: “You look fat.”
Marcus: “You look fatter.”
Me: “Thank you. I appreciate your honesty.”

Me: “You look fat!”
Female: “You @$#%&*@#$!”
Me: “Um, no thanks?”

Of course before the females all attack me and jump down my throat, I would like to disclaim (verb of ‘disclaimer’) that not all females are like that.

Of course I don’t mean:

Me: “You look fat.”
Female: “Awww really? That’s so sweet.”

But more like,

Me: “You look fat.”
Female: “Whatever.”

Another point of mine is the varied difference between the use of ‘Whatever’ in males and females.

But that’s another story for another day.

Meanwhile, I’ve learned something in all my years of existance. If not mathematics and biological science, then it would be that females are very complex creatures. I have understood some, but not all.

Ask Paul or Marcus.

They would tell you much embarrassing moments of times that seemed like flirting, but would end with both my feet in my mouth.

Of course man and woman are different.

What’s the ‘W-O’ for then?

5 Inspiring Songs

These are my pick for my 5 favorite and most inspiring songs that you have most likely have not heard yet, and are not Christian:

5. Tyler Hilton – Glad

Inspi-rating: 7/10

Nice song, with a catchy tune, a very polished voice and good lyrics. The voice is raw, inspiring and tuneful, the song pleasant to the ears and makes you ‘Glad’ once again.

From: The Tracks of… (2004)

4. The Dixie Chicks – Not Ready to Make Nice

Inspi-rating: 7/10

More dark than warm, the lyrics are very touching and beautiful, the tune strong and full of spunk, attitude and character. Makes you stand up and feel strong, even in your darkest days, the song here being a wonderful strengthener.

From: Taking the Long Way (2006)

3. Alanis Morissette – Hands Clean

Inspi-rating: 8/10

This song has very odd lyrics, which if I’m not wrong, is about a teacher having a crush on her high school student. That said, it’s beautiful in its own right, the song pure and gentle, with a very catchy chorus, and well-written verses.

From: The Collection (2005)

2. Matt Goss – It’s The End of the Road

Inspi-rating: 9/10

This song is amazing. The drum beats before the chorus, at the bridge and at the end are rousing and very powerful. Matt Goss’s voice is very powerful, emoting strongly in this song, and the lyrics are very meaningful and deep. A very emotional song, with a wonderfully-crafted spirit, and fills the listener’s heart with warmth.

From: End of the Road (2007)

1. Chantal Kreviazuk – In This Life

Inspi-rating: 9/10

The piano solos in the intro immediately takes you into a musical journey, pulling you into a story about a boy who has been neglected, and is about to give up on life, but Life tells him that everyone is special, and brings forth new strength into the boy’s life. This song has wonderful lyrics, gets dark at the right parts, and Chantal’s voice is equally pure, light and serenading.

From: What If It All Means Something (2003)

Note: I’m going to be adding the 5 songs mentioned above to my blog. Keep your eyes (ears…!) out for them!

HAPPY NEW YEAR (The Post I will eventually have to take back)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yes, I know, it’s kinda late to announce that, but I love it, so sue me.

=)

Anyways, like with all new years, I begin the year with some post I will eventually have to take back at the end of the year. It is of course the Misunderstandings Post.

This year, however, I am doing something special. I am NOT having a Misunderstandings post.

Of course, Jin Sei still sucks and he can keep sucking any way he wants (very suggestive here, hint hint). So as to his idiotic acts of attention I will comment no further because it just is a waste of my time on the computer and a waste of my Blog space.

What I am talking about, however, is the usual start-of-year post which I usually do about how my teachers suck and how my life sucks and will suck more as the year goes on, blah blah blah.

The list will go something like this:

______________________________

1)Mr Tan Puay Hock seems like a less cheeyna-version of ZMS, which isnt really a compliment.

2)I miss Mdm Ding Man.

3) I hate it when my English teacher and Lit teacher are 2 separate teachers. Mrs Serene Seow for Eng and Malani D’Cruz for Lit. Which is so uncomfortable because I have to approach two different teachers for answers to my queries when in the past, I could go to Ms Quah and get everything answered, albeit in her very roundabout way of giving the answer.

4) My chem teacher, this really pale, scary-cause-he-looks-really-weak ex-Rafflesian has been said to be very inefficient. And I hate inefficient teachers.

5) MY MOST FAVORITE SCIENCE TEACHER IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON MATERNITY LEAVE! Yes. Because of the stupid 3rd month maternity leave baby bonus thing, Mrs Tan Lai Lin is going to be at home again, and ANOTHER stupid relief teacher / ex-Rafflesian is going to be teaching us for bio again. With TLL I get A for bio. With relief teachers I get C+. See the diff? Last year so many relief teachers and it WAS HORRIFYING.

6) Mr Adrian Chng is no more our form teacher. ‘Nuff said.

7) Ms Sim is no more our Year Head. ‘Nuff said.

Ms Huang Yuting is still our Physics teacher. ‘Nuff said.

9) My very (fat) funny philo teacher Kristie Chen is the assistant House mistressss! I have mixed feelings about this. I think it’ll be good but I just wanted a no. 9 point to this list. XD

______________________________

But, I also said the same lousy things about Mr Chng and Ms Quah and Ding Man start of last year and I was forced to eat my words. Whether or not this holds true for my final year in RI, we’ll see. This had better be good a year.

So, I’m instead going to focus the remaining of this post on how sometimes, my first impressions of people can be really wrong and really biased. (Also the reason why I have to take back a lot of my comments about my teachers at the end of the year.) I’m going to quote one of my personal examples.

In my class there’s this guy whose name I’ll not mention here. Just know that when I first saw him, I was not impressed.

His face is not the face that is ruggedly-good-looking or anything. In fact, if anything, he seemed like one of those kao-bei people who bully his classmates and be lazy and talk back to teachers every chance he gets, just for the case of being cool. I assumed him to be very irritating and pointless.

While there ARE people like that in my class (names I shall also not mention), this person whom I assumed to be the stereotypical lazeass is NOT one of them.

In fact, he’s a damn loyal friend. He’s fun-loving, keeps to his personality strongly, and is a good staunch defender of right and wrong. He doesn’t pretend and try to be who he’s not. He doesn’t stick with the popular crowd or anything. He makes his friends with people who like him back. He actually speaks a lot of sense if people would just stop looking at his outer appearance to actually hear his words.

He is truly one of the most loyal people I’ve ever met. Not only loyal, but actually very nice, good-natured, and real. Not superficial, not fake, not play-acting, but REAL.

In this world where everything is so skin-deep and unconvincing, finding someone real is rare.

And I’ve found someone.

I only know a few other people like that. Alaric, Hong Xiu and Dean. Three off the top of my head. The only three I can think of at the moment that study in RI.

Yes, I’ll admit it. I’m not one of them. First impressions (facial, body language etc) matter a lot to me. Probably matters a lot to you too. But I’m learning.

I’m learning that the face doesn’t speak.

The heart does. The heart feels and you can feel it too.

This person in my class, is truly a gem. He can feel. He knows right and wrong. He is himself, and HIMSELF is AMAZING.

Eventually any insult I pay usually gets taken back, if I feel that my words were sharp and hurting unduly.

Why do I even have to insult in the first place? Because I don’t find some people as ‘proper’ as others.

‘Proper’?

Give me a break.