Sometimes I feel that life is so short and that we are wasting so much time.
I was on Google searching for SS websites for the very rushed SS project, when I found this article about this model guy who died in his sleep in his apartment due to heart failure. His age? 29.
TWENTY-freakin-NINE.
In case you didn’t get that, TWENTY-freakin-NINE.
How can anybody die at only 29 years of age??!
It eludes me that anybody could POSSIBLY DIE AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE.
This guy was a model, figuratively and literally. He was apparently some hotshot model and part-time bodybuilder, and he was also an excellent student that had been going for his higher-level degree in Law. He already had some Criminal and Business Law degrees, but he still wanted to go for a higher level showing and get more qualified.
He would have almost done it, if not for the sudden death. 29 years of age, died in the apartment. As I read the article, a chill ran up my spine, and suddenly, I was TREMENDOUSLY thankful for the Powers That Be, may it be God or those watching over me, that I am still alive.
Sometimes when I wake up I do wonder whether today would be the day I would leave the world. How can anybody not wonder that, when you cross the road or step out into the light? The cars whizzing by are so fast, sometimes it really scares me. I could just disappear like that.
Or I could disappear in my sleep.
Like the dude did. I feel a mixture of emotions. The one tugging most strongly is sympathy for the man’s uncompleted life and family. But the most nagging tug is undoubtedly whether or not he knew he was going to leave this world forever, and whether or not he contemplated his regrets and life decisions. Whether or not he had the chance to say goodbye.
For so long I’ve been oblivious, neglecting the reality and weight of the happenings around me. Death has, for so long, eluded my thoughts and my life, one which was used to be filled with innocence and joy, has now become much darker. It is no more a bright life like I used to imagine, but a life that is filled with sorrow and heartache that could be taken away from you at any second.
I’m not being pessimistic or anything. Truly, Death frightens me. A lot of people has said that there’s nothing to be scared of. Death is a process of Life and hence should be embraced like all other parts of Life. To be scared of Death, or Kiasee, they say, isn’t good.
But I cannot help but be frightened of Death. Not the eventual ending, because I actually wonder what happens after Death… But what I fear is that I would not get the chance to do all the things I need to do before It happens. Say goodbye to all who matter, tie up loose ends, and make sure I have no regrets.
Death really is unpredictable. One day he is alive. The next he is not. For so long the thought of Death was a mere story. But a lot has happened since primary school. I lost a grandparent (though that was in primary school still), a good friend, and learn more about this process of Life everyday.
Those who say they are not scared of Death are lying. I know this because that’s what I say too. But inside, I know I fear the power of Death will take me away so quickly that I do not have the chance to complete my life. I really am not being pessimistic, but I just cannot help but find that the circumstance seems awfully horrific.
If someone has lived his life to the fullest, and has enjoyed every moment of it, lying on his bed waiting for the Angels to come, is not a problem. He can move on and begin the next journey. But it is truly unthinkable if someone so young has his life taken away from him so suddenly.
I believe that God, and The Powers That Be, have a meaning, a purpose, for us in life. If it is to affect someone else, then someone else we will affect.
I want to affect people around me, to affect them and make a change with my presence.
Starting with a simple phrase of “I Love You” to my parents.
Say the phrase everyday. As you say it you will feel better and your parents will know that deep inside, nothing changes.
Nothing changes love.
“Please don’t go
These ghosts of you
The only thing that help get me through the day
Baby please don’t go
‘Cause I love you
You’re the only one that will stay the same”
- Chantal Kreviazuk “Ghosts of You”
